College

Tough Spot

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I don’t know how I am doing. There is no measuring tool to know if I am being efficient with my time and energy and making good decisions. I am clueless. 

Sometimes I want everyone to go away. Leave me alone. Let me explore my psyche. It’s socially awkward in the West to even bring up meditation in conversation let alone seeing it in person. You have to hide and lick the doors in your room if you want to try to meditate in peace. 

Hey guys, I’m alive. My heart beats, my inhalation systems work. I’m semi-aware of my surroundings. Just wanted to let you know. 

I’m likely losing my mind. I failed 4/5 classes last semester, now on academic probabtion...which is funny because I can genuinely say I was putting in 110% the first two months of the semester. Too bad my roommate was typing on his mechanical keyboard constantly at weird hours of the night so I didn’t get much sleep at all this last semester. Now I’m on Christmas break spending a few weeks in Kentucky and Indiana. Been hitting the wax pen non-stop at my dads. Barely any internet out here I’m trying not to go insane 

I sometimes honestly just do not want to speak ever again and just communicate by playing an instrument...it’s too bad I can’t carry it with me more places. I dream often of buying a baby grand for my house I may own some day. Would buy a piano over a new car right now. Anyways, peace.