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Tough Spot

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I don’t know how I am doing. There is no measuring tool to know if I am being efficient with my time and energy and making good decisions. I am clueless. 

Sometimes I want everyone to go away. Leave me alone. Let me explore my psyche. It’s socially awkward in the West to even bring up meditation in conversation let alone seeing it in person. You have to hide and lick the doors in your room if you want to try to meditate in peace. 

Hey guys, I’m alive. My heart beats, my inhalation systems work. I’m semi-aware of my surroundings. Just wanted to let you know. 

I’m likely losing my mind. I failed 4/5 classes last semester, now on academic probabtion...which is funny because I can genuinely say I was putting in 110% the first two months of the semester. Too bad my roommate was typing on his mechanical keyboard constantly at weird hours of the night so I didn’t get much sleep at all this last semester. Now I’m on Christmas break spending a few weeks in Kentucky and Indiana. Been hitting the wax pen non-stop at my dads. Barely any internet out here I’m trying not to go insane 

I sometimes honestly just do not want to speak ever again and just communicate by playing an instrument...it’s too bad I can’t carry it with me more places. I dream often of buying a baby grand for my house I may own some day. Would buy a piano over a new car right now. Anyways, peace. 

Insight On Life’s journeys

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Last time I hit a dab off the crack pipe I had smoked so much I was convinced my heart stopped and I had to pay a $500 ambulance bill. I genuinely thought my heart stopped and my entire life flashed before my eyes. And then I started thinking about what life could have been. Ever seems I imagined my dream life I have been chasing it non-stop over a year now. 

 

What at is my dream you might ask. My dream is that I be my own boss, the pilot of my own life. But literally, be my own boss. I want to own a brand that is a reflection of my psyche and thus ever generating. With the soon replacement of all menial jobs with Artificial Intelligience, I predict personal brands will be the new big thing. The tricky thing is neither of my parents support this endeavor of mine to live out my dream of being paid to be alive and share thoughts and ideas. I mention “content creator” to the physical public and they spew millennial stereotypes onto me.  

 

I am truly lost in this world I am in and my only map is this dream. If I die a slow, painful and poversh life because of it, well I think it would still be worth chasing.