Freethink

I’m frustrated with life. I want a girlfriend, a fwb, or anybody I can just cuddle with and fall asleep with at night. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of making myself cum. I wanna make a lover come. My ex still haunts me in my dreams. I can’t get her out of my head. It seems every girl is unattracted to me. Tinder isn’t working, Hinge isn’t working, DMing girls on Facebook and Instagram isn’t working...my FWB from back home stopped talking to me...nobody wants anything to do with me. I’m fucking pathetic. I try to be a dominant alpha male and end up coming off as forcing and pushy. I can’t even read a book without constant thoughts of why I have such a shit personality and how to fix myself. I feel broken all the fucking time. Life is actually dog shit. All my finger nails are bitten down to the cutical because I’m a nervous wreck. I honestly wish I would just have a stroke and die instantly and painlessly.    My mind is an echo chamber of bullshit negative thoughts and I’m too delusional to figure out how to stop them. Just make it stop. I want all the noise to be gone. I want a quiet mind. Too much chatter. Too much noise. I can’t turn it off. What if I can turn it off? Do I have the will power? Can I flex my brain and shut the voices off just like that? No I can’t that’s fucking stupid. I’m cursed and condemned to a miserable life with this psyche. My psyche is fucked, broken, shattered, unusable. Kill me god. Kill me.