I’m writing this before I go to bed. It’s currently 8:35 a.m.. I feel like shit partly because I’ve been eating like shit. I’ve been eating like shit because my sleep schedule has been so fucked I’ve been asleep while my dining hall is open. I want to stay on my carnivore diet but it’s hard. These last two months I’ve only ate hamburger/chicken patties from my dining hall and frankly I’m sick of it. I can’t fix my sleep schedule becaus my roommate who is 5 feet away from me at all times is always clicking his mechanical keyboard and there is nothing I can do or say to stop it. Its one of those “just deal with it things.”
It’s difficult to write this blog post because I’m so delusional and lightheaded. I’ve been consistently sad for at least a year now. I don’t remember how I felt or was before I tripped psychedelics last summer. Besides my memories of family and acquaintances, I think the psychedelics destroyed who I thought I was. Since then I’ve been kinda picking up the “pieces of shattered glass.” Right now I’m being distracted by my shaking and trembling left hand and arm.
I can’t wait to tell my friends in 2007 reddit clan chat on the game runescape to checkout this blog post. Maybe someone will emphasize with my pain. Part of me wishes people would donate as if that would alleviate the pain, but I know very well that money is a unfulfilling desire.
My life is falling apart and I feel like I am falling fast into a bottomless hole of sorrow. I don’t want to work a job. I don’t want to talk to people I don’t want to talk to. I don’t want any pressure good or bad. I just want to be left alone. I have no energy to do anything and don’t want to be asked to do anything. I’m disappointed in myself and wish I was stronger. Two months ago I remember feeling the darkness coming but I didn’t expect it to hit me this hard. I’m probably going to just smoke a lot of weed while I recover.